LGBT Etiquette

 

"Must two brides dress like twins?"

Question: My fiancée and I are planning our wedding, which is going to be very “traditional” in many ways. We agree on almost all the details, except the all-important one of what we should wear. She really wants the full princess treatment — a classic silk or organza gown. Egads! The problem is, that’s just not who I am! I’m comfortable in a dress (okay, sometimes), but I can’t imagine myself in an all-out Cinderella getup. I know there are rules, or at least traditions, for heterosexual couples when it comes to wedding attire; but we don’t have a lot to go on here. Can you help us?

Answer: First of all, congratulations on your upcoming nuptials — it always makes me happy to say that — and on the extent of your agreement (so far) on the zillions of details. A couple who can agree on a budget and a seating chart for their friends and family can surely solve any challenge life will send their way.

It’s true that there’s not a long history of same-sex weddings to guide you, but there certainly have been some high-profile couples (Ellen and Portia; Sir Elton and David Furnish) who’ve done this with style, so you can look to them as role models. And there are some basic principles that should help you come to a solution that will make you both happy.

First, know that there is a wide range of options for what two brides can wear to their wedding, from traditional gowns or tuxedoes to military uniforms or even western wear, should those hold significance or appeal for either of you.

Next, it’s important to consider your wedding’s level of formality (or informality). If your wedding will be formal, you should both dress to the nines; but that doesn’t mean your attire must be a copy of your beloved’s. The outfits Ellen and Portia wore to their nuptials are great examples. Portia’s pink and white halter-top dress was different from Ellen’s white vest and trousers, but the brides complemented each other perfectly. What you don’t want is for one of you to be formal and the other noticeably more casual — or that you’re two strangers who happened to stop in front of the camera at the same time.

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